FREELIEVED (Free + Relieved)

Am I the only one who measures their life by rolls of toilet paper? When I leave Costco with what seems like 2 tons of Kirkland Ultra Soft, I always think to myself, “Where will I be in life when I’m finished with all of this toilet paper?”

  • Will my kid be potty trained?
  • Will I have finally lost the last 20 pounds of baby weight?
  • Will it still be 120 degrees?
  • Will I be divorced?

Where will I be?  If you read my previous posts, you’d know that a few months ago, I couldn’t even afford toilet paper. This was distressing for a variety of reasons, but most importantly because I had no way to measure my life!

Thankfully, in many ways, I am in a much better spot mentally and financially than I was a few months ago.  I landed my dream job, working in real estate for a home purchasing company.  I am in the process of obtaining my Arizona Real Estate Broker license, and should have that soon.  My friends and family have pitched in to help us make it through life without starving these last few months, and for that I am forever grateful!

When I first made this blog public, I was prepared for the backlash to come.  Quite frankly, I thought The Husband would kill me.  I mean, he’s a Navy SEAL, and we live in a desert.  Sounds like the perfect combo for an unsolved Dateline Episode. Much to my shock (and awe) he didn’t have the reaction I assumed he would.  Instead, he seemed happy for me. He told me that I was a good writer and he was happy to see me utilizing my skills.  In fact, this conversation kicked off a month long period of him being—–wait for it—–NICE!! When I say nice, I mean so incredibly nice that I was nervous I would cave in my decision to divorce him.  We spent the last few months acting like a married couple. To say our separation period has been bizarre would be an gross understatement.

Needless to say, as of Nov 7th, I officially became a “divorcee”.  While part of me wanted to cave, and go back to the safety and security of the “known” a bigger part of me longed for change. To say the divorce day experience was traumatic would be a gross understatement.  There is something so tragic and depressing about watching your husband sign away a lifetime of hopes and dreams in mere seconds. Something so terrifying about being alone in life, knowing you have two kids, two dogs, and a household to support. ALL BY YOURSELF.  I. Am. Terrified. However, I have also experienced the most incredible feeling post divorce- it’s a new word I made up- FREELIEVED.  Words can’t describe the feeling of freedom + relief I feel knowing that I never –EVER-have to worry about being cheated on, lied to, and lied about again.  The fear of the unknown pales in comparison to feeling FREELIEVED.

So, here I am!  Single and ready to –NEVER EVER MINGLE AGAIN!  My relationship with a Narc has changed me in ways I can’t explain.  But one thing I know for sure is that I will NEVER- I repeat- NEVER….like never, ever, ever, date again.  I plan to buy a house and make my best friend move in with me.  Quite frankly, having a sister wife sounds way more appealing than being cheated on again. While our relationship had a tragic beginning and an even more tragic ending, there is a silver lining in that he brought me back to my happy place- Scottsdale, Arizona.  Never in my wildest dreams did I believe I could live here again, surrounded by saguaro cacti and my friends who love me dearly.  I truly believe I am the luckiest girl in the world right now.  And with that, I’ll sign off for today with a picture of my most favorite place…..

PS: Heading to Costco in a few and excited to see where this batch of toilet paper leads me….

desert

Love,

Avery

 

 

3 thoughts on “FREELIEVED (Free + Relieved)

  1. Good for you Avery! This marks the begining of a new path that only you get to dictate and choose. You have always carroed yourself with class and grace and above all youvare BRAVE! xoxo

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Congratulations! Glad to hear you are feeling good and excited about your new life! I only wish that I could have been as brave as you many years ago. I often wonder where I would be and how my life would be now, if only I had the courage to do what you have done! My prayers are that you live not as a survivor but as an overcomer!

    Liked by 1 person

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